What is going on if you are only attracting men who just want to hook up.

What is going on if you are only attracting men who just want to hook up.


This was inspired by a question that I get all of the time from women.


What do I do if I am only meeting men who just want to hook up? Or how do I attract a man who wants a relationship?


First let me say that there ARE men out there who do want relationships, but here is the thing they are also going to want to have sex with you.


In a world of swiping for the next best thing, and hook up culture it can seem almost impossible to find a man who wants to commit and who isn’t playing games.


If you are only attracting men who just want to hook up here is what you are doing wrong.


1.     You believe that is all that is out there.

Your beliefs and the stories that you tell yourself have a HUGE impact on what you attract into your life.  If you are constantly thinking, saying, telling your friends and anyone else who will listen that all men want is to hook up you are certainly going to find that.


And on that notion stop making men WRONG for wanting sex. 


Here is some real and raw truth – if a man just wants to hook up, he isn’t wrong for that desire.  Just like you aren’t wrong for your desire for a relationship.


Men and women’s desire for sex isn’t wrong – and the more that you make anyone wrong for their desires it is just an indication that YOU feel wrong about your desires.



2.     You haven’t healed your own sexuality and it is tied to your worth

Men may or may not just want to hook up with you but the more that you tie your worth to sex (which is normal for a lot of women) the more of a chance is that you will believe and attract in men who do not want a relationship.


You will find yourself in an unhealthy cycle of making your sexuality wrong, but then also feeling you like you need to secure a man’s affection with sex.


The majority of women have never done any work around healing or embracing their sexuality let alone learning how to celebrate it and be in an empowered place with it.


When I was dating I did not attract in men who only wanted to hook up with me, in fact the majority of men I dated wanted a relationship with me.

And that is not because there is something special about me, other than I did not tie my worth to my sexuality and because I truly believe that my presence is a gift to men.


3.     You aren’t fully ready for a relationship.

You may not want to hear this but it is true.

If you are not attracting in men who are ready for and wanting a relationship, there is a chance that you are not ready for a relationship.

This could be for a variety of reasons but what I find to be the most common reasons are that you are afraid of being vulnerable and open in an intimate partnership.


You are afraid that you actually can’t have what you truly desire, that it isn’t possible, so

you keep putting yourself in situations where that plays out.


You haven’t healed your deepest core wounding and keep playing them out with all of the men that you attract in.


You aren’t actually clear in what you want, or you are finding yourself wrong for your heart’s true desire.


When you are in anything expect FULL faith that you can have what you desire, and when you haven’t healed your wounding from your childhood, past pain and trauma there is an opportunity for you to do that healing.


So yes, there are men who just want to hook up, but you don’t have to be with them.  Start focusing more on what you want and less on what you do not want.





P.S. If you are looking to embrace your sexiness as a way to untie your worth from your sexuality check out Confidently Sexy my digital course.