There has been a lot of talk, posts and comments about the recent commercial for men’s razors where there is a stance against toxic masculinity.
I have long heard how men, and certain men’s groups fear that masculinity is being redefined, watered down, and that women are trying to make men more into women.
When I first saw the ad - I loved it, I thought how much I would love every man to not just see it but to allow it to lead to deeper questions about how they are in fact perpetuating toxic masculinity.
Toxic masculinity isn’t something that has just been made up - it is in many ways what masculinity has been identified as. The qualities that are being “threatened” right now are not actually what masculinity is. They are the shadow parts of the masculine.
The idea that there are toxic parts of masculinity is a way to in fact honor the masculine. Because it does in fact preserve the healthy parts of masculinity. We are not throwing the baby out with the bath water here.
The shadow of the masculine emerges when both the masculine and feminine (energies) can not be fully expressed in a healthy way.
Every single person has masculine and feminine energy (or yin and yang) and each person is mean tto express both in a healthy way.
But we have all grown up in a patriarchal culture - and this has been the societal system for thousands upon thousands of years. This cultural system is one built revering masculine qualities and men more than feminine qualities and women.
So we have learned for thousands of years that the masculine is better, which means men and women have been afraid to be in touch with their feminine energy.
There are toxic or shadow parts of the feminine as well. Which if we are being honest most women have over identified as what femininity is and therefore do not want to be “feminine”.
The fact that there is backlash against an ad that is calling on men to be more conscious of their actions and loving IS the problem.
In my opinion being a respectful and loving person doesn’t have a gender and is not an attack on anyone.
Wanting men to be loving, and to actually feel their emotions does not make them any less strong, in fact it makes them stronger. When any person denies their emotions, stifles them or pushes them away they systematically cut themselves off from their truth and their power.
Wanting men to respect women and the feminine does not mean we want men to become women or soft. When a man or the masculine respects the women or the feminine it in fact makes the masculine stronger. When a woman feels seen and accepted so is much more likely to fully accept a man in his masculine.
The toxic sides or shadow sides of the feminine come out because we have been socially oppressed for thousands of years. We have not been allowed to express our true feminine selves and therefore many women have resorted to moving through the world in a way that is unhealthy for us and for men.
The shadow of the feminine uses sex as manipulation, can’t feel or express her emotions in a healthy way and therefore will try to make someone feel bad or wrong to try and get what they want. The shadow of the feminine will hate their body and anything feminine about themselves - their vulnerability, their compassion their intuition and it will consistently try to emasculate the men around them. The reason why the shadow feminine thrives is because the true feminine has been oppressed in men and in women.
I full heartily believe that men MUST take more responsibility for their actions, and for becoming better HUMANS.
But I also think that we as women have a responsibility to heal our own feminine. We MUST do our own work - because when we heal our feminine we can hold better space for the men in our lives as they heal their masculine as well.
And before you get too up in arms it is not our responsibliity to hold space for them - but we also have a lot of unhealthy patterns as women that need to be addressed and we do not actually need men to change first.
I also believe that we as women have a responsibility to LOVE the masculine - demonizing men is not going to fix or heal anything. I find that women can not fully come into love and appreciate for the true masculine until you come into full love and appreciation for your own feminine and yourself as a while.
We can continue to bring men’s attentions to where things need to shift but you as a woman better be doing your own work as well.
Of course you have anger, and maybe even hatred toward men - and while some men probably deserve it, most men do not.
Most men are doing the best that they can, they are doing what they have been conditioned to do, and what they albeit unconsciously believe is how they should act in order to be a man.
While we are asking men to take more responsibility for their masculine, let us continue to take responsibility for our feminine.
xx
Lauren
P.S. If you are looking for a way to heal your feminine I invite you to join Seductress my 6 month high level program for the woman who is ready to embody her feminine, claim her sexy confidence and create a passionate partnership.